So, I was skipping down my Twitter timeline and came across a few posts that @FatFemPinUp had posted. I was slightly hesitant because she seemed like she was in one of those moods. You know, the one where any human born with a penis is a prime reason for her to lash out for anything they do. But, Owl being the adventurous type, clicked on the links anyhow. So, you have these discussions, well, rants, anyway, about the “nice guy”.
Okay, let us first do something here.
What is a “nice guy”?
I am not certain that I do not know my own standard here, but I do believe often, depending on age, experience and gender, that we all are not discussing the same person. It is like this concept, the “friend zone”, that I wish would be found in the next stack of bodies some “mentally ill” white dude decides to pile up. I suppose at a certain age, I have learned that one probably should not build their self-esteem on the fragile sands of their sexual exploits and I can only hope that more of my gender takes up this cause as well. However, until that phase of evolution is entered, it should be outlined that most males are in a life or death contest to have sex with as many women as quickly as possible. No matter how jokingly I write that, there is something in our socialization that presents our masculinity as an abstract only made concrete through conquest. From fighting to fucking, this is what defines us as “men” in the empirical sense. Sure, there are our responsibilities, but too often they don’t appeal as signifier of our worth, only the projections of that worth.
So, who is the “nice guy”?
For women, I am also left with several varying thoughts. We attempt to put women in this really interesting group of boxes: hoe, bitch, or lady. And, much like men, I suppose, there really is no person that just fits snugly into these boxes without some sort of abstract shoe horn to semantically push and jam them securely in. I understand that the layers of immaturity and in a lot of ways, insecurity, exist because, well, enough females(and I mean that in the most biologically inclusive manner) are willing to accept it, even beyond the realization of socialized norms. So, even with a group of women that recognize that they have been trained to respect, honor, and be enticed by a certain type of persona emitted from a male, they still want that sort of male.
So, who is the “nice guy”?
I think the problem is who the “nice guy” is not. The “nice guy” is not the guy getting laid, well, obviously. So, although, I can think of a sizable portion of men that I know that act in respectable manners towards woman, who have sex at a high frequency, we are not discussing them. With that, I believe we can be a lot more focused on who exactly the “nice guy” is.
The “nice guy” is not exactly, well, the nice guy. He is just the guy that did not get to have sex, and maybe he is having this occur at a rate that seems unreasonable due to whatever qualities he possesses that he believes work for other guys. It has to be remembered, that even those that might believe them Selves to be anomalies, are still a product of a socialization process that looks at sex like a touchdown. I tend to lean away from the entitlement discussion, because I find that we all feel entitled to something. The guy that plays the part of the “gentleman” in hopes of sexual favors does not seem much more entitled to me than the women sitting at the bar expecting men to buy them drinks. It is not that it should not be expected, as most women will probably be successful in this ploy, unfortunately, for men, the “nice guy” routine might be better suited for those men dealing with women made less reserved by what society has regarded as radical notions of gender roles. For men, waiting around the bar for free sex does not always work.