Vibration Ship Asylum Star Log One

During the earlier days of the Mission Owl’s Asylum, we would venture out into the blogosphere and search for intelligence. In that incipience, we would blast quips and wit at a high frequency and study the radar for return signals. Much of the responses we receive in that era were positive, and yet, we noticed a similar, if not familiar pattern. We noticed that some of the retorts from the sentient beings were attempts to disparage our own intelligence. Statements such as “common sensical” abounded. As a means to establish further dialogue with some of the beings from plane(t)s we were sending our signals out to, we developed more erudite algorithms for our electromagnetic discharges. It was our thinking, that, since what we originally used to communicate with these distant life forms was too “common” for them, we would simply increase the amplitude. It was supposed to be a friendly gesture. Unfortunately, our calculations were wrong. It seems that the distant alien forms only wanted to deal in the “common” tongue, and that anything radically specific to a course study would only provoke them to bouts of belligerence. The Asylum Staff of Social Space Travelers determined that the aliens might actually have a culture of violence, and that their use of the phrase, “common sensical” was a means to attack, not so much a means to involve themselves in a more robust dialectic. The Asylum Staff suggested that any means of communication with them would resort in a barrage of subtle insults.

As the captain of the vibration ship, The Asylum, I have continually attempted reach out to these beings. It has wearied the Asylum Staff, and the Skyline fleet to no end. What I have learned is that these beings that display the most vitroil come from a cluster of plane(t)s that were colonialized by race of Frozen PineHeads. As has been noted, I have studied with the Frozen PineHeads, I have noticed their cunning. It has been my task to unfreeze the pine in their heads. Of course, I might be slightly biased in my pursuits, as I come from a species of Blazing Bright PineHeads. However, I have witnessed the freezing stations built on the outskirts of the various planets. The Frozen PineHeads simply will not cease in their egomaniacal attempts to freeze every pinehead. The Frozen Pines, or I think the galactically correct term is the Frozen Pineals, simply build what they call “Universe Cities”. Which has always been a going joke aboard The Asylum during our slower passages, due to the fact the “Universe Cities” have no universal training, and even the more diverse training must be cat scanned by a board of well Frozen Pineals, called the Peer Review.

It has been my thinking, that the Frozen Pineals have taken a population of Burning Bright Pineals, simply referred to amongst the fleet as Suns and Moons, and Frozen their pines through rigorous training. What I have witnessed among these once bright people, and now simply cold eggheads, is their inability to communicate peacefully with anyone who hasn’t been assigned to oversee them by the Frozen Pineals. These creatures ultimately don’t have enough blazing energy left to kindle a warm bonding with anyone who hasn’t been placed on ice. In a case study prepared by the Asylum staff, we have documented evidence of some of the Suns and Moons committing a mentacide on themselves by freezing their very own blazing brightness. I must admit, it can be very trying to communicate with such Numbed Skulls.

Upon further research, the Asylum staff has reached the conclusion that we might have too much blazing brightness to communicate with the Numbed Skulls. The more highly sophisticated researchers of the Skyline have boarded our vessel in an attempt to further the dialogue with the Numbed Skulls. They deemed many of the Numbed Skulls unfit for discussion have refused my submitted proposal to develop a language to communicate with them. I was also reprimanded by the Supreme Universal Meeting Mind Incorporated Team(S.U.M.M.I.T.) for my use of the phrases “fuck boy”, “hoe cake ass boy” and an action deemed illegal by the Fleet. I was told I couldn’t use my vibration ship to conduct observations and information gathering on any of the Numbed Skulls who attacked the Asylum. Something about “…leave triple Z alone..” was mentioned in a full report.

So, in my final attempt to contact the Numbed Skulls, and to establish some sort of entente, I have resorted to what the Fleet refers to as “Fertilizing”. It is a process similar to that of farming where bull’s feces is used to provide sustenance to the seeds buried underneath the soil. The Numbed Skulls seem to enjoy it. I’ve also used a method of discussion with the female Numbed Skulls found in the Asylum archives. It is a philosophy of communication of some sort developed by a Todd Shaw. It seems to please the Numbed Skulls into peaceful interactions.

Until we Blaze through the Bull’s Shit on the Numbed Skulls’ minds…

I am Captain Owl of the Vibration Ship, The Asylum…