Another Useless Post About Fucking With No Strings Attatched

Firstly, it is difficult for me to address much of the topic of No-strings Attached relationships without stating: sex is one of the most influential ‘strings’ a relationship can have. Once upon a time, in a land very far far away, the peoples decided that sex was so valuable, it was withheld until after a contract of life long bonding had been established. Yes, kids, people actually used to wait until they were married to have to sex. Oh you’re looking for some sort of footnote or citing for that incredulous statement, I’m sure. Well, the very use of a word “fornication” in the King James Version 36 times in 32 verses says enough in my opinion regarding the views of sex before marriage. Now, this is Owl’s Asylum, and I enjoy fornication. I’ve never been married to compare the euphoria of marital fucking to not so much, but I’m sure the thrill of fornication is enough to explain why so many marriages end in adultery.Or maybe adultery just feels better than marital sexual intercourse, I can’t tell this per my experiences, but I’m sure I can slide through my contacts and pull up a few candidates for an interview if need be. My point is that sex is important. It is a ‘string’ in and of it Self.

 

The statement “no-strings attached” relationships is a oxymoron. Yet, it exists and I’d like to explore possible meanings and inferences of the phrase. Typically (and I have no problem admitting that I’m using that as a very loose qualifier to avoid being attacked for making a general statement), when we use that phrase, we are discussing involvements with people who want the perks of a romantic relationship, without all the responsibilities or slash and the obligations. As a Black media analyst, it is difficult to not speculate that much of the sexual revolution that occurred during the 90s and and early 2000s was spawned by the hypermasculine and misogynist perspectives given via hip-hop and rap music. A consistent correlation of feminist culture- with proponents such as bell hooks and Alice Walker- and the commodification of the Black feminine form- via Lil’ Kim, Luke dancers – could possibly impact many young black women, and older ones I’m sure, with a misdirected understanding of sexual expressiveness and sexual liberation. Couple that with a gender bending social construct in the form of extended growth of the Black prison population during this same era(surprising enough, I’m detailing much of the Clinton era). There is enough historical media and behavioral evidence to build this theory, yet, impact might be questionable and I would like for that to be considered in any discussions thus far.

 

With the growing Black media presence of lesbian and homosexual behavior, also comes a change and alteration of the heterosexual coupling. Even for the endangered “strictly dickly” type of sisters, the sense of committed relationships seems to have gone the way of the dinosaur as men promoted the hypersexualized “pimp/player” stereotype/prototype. What can be seen in the lyrical content of the very influential Lil’ Kim is the answer to the oppressive and manipulative flows of her male counterparts. A reversing of the attitudes of male privilege played out in the extremities of female privilege. Where the woman is used as a sexual object, the man is used as the “trick,” the blind provider used for monetary gain and status symbols. Where the woman is seen as one sexual conquest in the rotation of several women, the woman treats the man as just another object to gain her sexual needs; a certain comeuppance, a statement that what men can do with a penis, a woman can certainly do with a vagina. And it is at this juncture that roles of the romantic relationships within our community begin to erode, corrode, and emerge in a very much different fashion.

 

Now, I’d be amiss on two points if I didn’t reveal certain knowledge. On one point: no, the NSA relationship is nothing new. Casual sexual relations have been the topic of various media since before Billy Paul sung about a couple meeting for the last time to embrace sexually behind the backs of their respective spouses on “Me and Mrs. Jones.” Before Shirley Murdock blessed us with a ballad describing the moments before another couple of wayward sexual partners consider parting company as they lay. Also, much of what I am forced to label Black media is replete with images of the Black hypersexual buck compelled by penis and thirst to break backs across the land. According to a study from a group of researchers at the campus of Washington University in St. Louis, in an assessment of 20 black and 20 white dating couples, Black men were found to be highly prone to committed relationships. Given the low numbers of Black men, this baffles the social psychologist that hypothesized that Black men would be less encouraged to be in committed relationships due to their endangered status. A confusing paragraph there, I’m aware, but let’s see if we can’t bring all this information together cohesively for a starting theory in Asylum on NSA.

 

As stated, I don’t support the notion of “no-strings.” Sure, we can have a casually sexual relationship, but the string is the sex. Which will preclude a whole series of events from developing. The prudent amongst us will want to consider where they are in the rotation, given there is a rotation.

 

I have a difficult time accepting a large pool of people being capable of holding exclusive sexual pairing with no other commitment other than the notion that I can call you for sex. This is asking a person to fuck you and only you, and not want to develop any emotional obligations with you. So, let us assume that the majority of us will at some point of this ‘NSA’ thing that really isn’t ‘NSA’ but for the sake of sheer semantic fuckery we will go along with it, will have a rotation: a set of sexual partners that we are seeing within a limited period of time, that may or may not know each other, but know of each other. Yeah, this is where it gets nasty. Many of the elements that make sex really cool can pretty much start getting knocked off most our lists. Condomlesss sex being probably the highest on the list. I suppose with the degree of hypermasculine men and women, kissing has become like an ancient art and science that was once a part of sex. Yeah, I crawled out of that time period when kissing was on the same level as penetration…so, old I have become. Anyway.

 

I can’t lie here: I am an avid supporter of celibacy when not in a committed romantic relationship. I simply have accrued more benefits by not having sex, than by having sex. I don’t tote celibacy as some spiritually attuned act as one might treat the vegan community. I am much more utilitarian in my thinking than idealistic idiot. And in that, I simply find that if we are going to have no strings attached, the “not-string” I’d like to have is a friendship based on friendliness and not me dicking you down and calling it “not-a-string.” Sure, I’m Owl: I love pussy and all that entails. I also love commitment. I also love romantic obligations. Go figure, right?

 

Comments welcomed as always…