Yet Another Black Relationship Post For The Interwebs…

What the fuck is up with the Black gender war?

 

Where the fuck are Julia and Nathan Hare at?

 

Love has become a battlefield. Romance is a bullet loaded into a gun called ‘the first date, but after we fuck…”

 

Okay, okay, hyperbole a little there. But a nice chunk of the measure of our success does lie in our ability to form the sorts of cohesive units of people that families can provide. You need families. And something wholesome as the reality of a loving nucleus for that unit. Now, nucleus is up for grabs; you define that as you must. But I do believe that much of what is desirable in the Black community can find its alleviation in more structured homes and a community spirit that reflects kinship. I see this pattern of behavior among the Asians, the…hold up, who don’t I see this from…

 

eh…

 

I can’t promote a single sure fire way to negotiate human society and human urge. I don’t subscribe to any religious beliefs, and for the most part, my thinking remains highly receptive to whatever works for whoever. For me…

 

Monogamy is cool. I thought monogamy was some straight syht. You really have to search high and low to find the right mutha/muthafucka to build certian relationship structures, but I enjoyed it. I thoroughly enjoyed the practice of being friends that exclusively fucked…jokes. I loved the building. Producing together, and being able to say ‘we’ made this happen together. I like teams. Eh…I like teams when I’m one of the captains. Ego, we all have one…

 

I think the “friends” with benefit thing is the most dangerous and destructive practice we have so far subscribed to. A nigga will kill you over a woman he thinks he is in love with. A Black woman may, or may not, cut your dick off; but she can certainly make you wish that was the only thing you were dealing with. I can’t think for a person I can’t communicate with; and although we promote this stoic posture regarding sex: many of us are just posing. I also must reiterate an Asylum notion: nigga we fucking, we ain’t friends. Typically we start using this word,”friend,” early on to establish said relations, but we aren’t friends; we just met.

 

And, please, I get it…

 

No one wants to feel like a little whore. Or a big one. But it is not stopping anyone from fucking. It may stopped us from actually becoming friends, though. If a woman burns you, you shouldn’t be swapping cracker jack prizes with them. Just my thoughts. And ultimately, friends do more outside of the bedroom, or sexual capacity, than they do within it.

 

When I think of what I truly want, it isn’t temporary. When I ask,”who’s pussy is this, bitch?” I’m not talking about momentarily. I don’t mean just while I’m putting pressure on your legs that are kissing your cheeks on opposite sides and bottoming out. Of course, the pussy is mine then. I want the pussy to be mine when I roll over and start snoring and farting. And I expect you want this dick to be yours, not when I’m holding your head and you are deepthroating. Of course, I”m going to say this is your dick. Make sure this is your dick a child, one hundred pounds, and two thousand stretchmarks afterwards. Everything else is community dick/pussy. And that is my gripe with the friends with benefits scenario. If we are truly friends, and we are fucking, we should be in an exclusive coupling. I’m sorry, maybe I’m not the emotionless writer you were looking for, but if me and a woman are truly friends, and I have sex with her, I’m going to feel something stronger than some intoxicated one night stand from the club. Maybe my standards for the “friend” title are a bit more stringent than most. I’m not sure. I had female friends growing up; you are not my friend just because I helped you reach an organism.

 

Another thing I better write in this immediate space:

 

Every woman I met is not my potential fuck buddy or romantic partner.

 

I flirt a lot. I like to flirt. I like making women feel sexy. I miss women who feel totally comfortable being the counterpart to my masculinity. I am a patriarch that believes in matriarchy. I know, I sometimes wonder if shit is going to come out of my dick. I’m a complex guy. But…

 

I love to make women feel tender. I do. Sorry. However, I also don’t want to fuck every woman I meet. I don’t. Many women I wish were a member of Asylum Staff. I don’t have a problem with being in the “friend zone.” As long as it is a real friendship. I give my number out a lot. I negotiate business meetings, a lot. Just because I gave you my number and we talked, and you felt like you wanted to keep me in your contacts as a future reference doesn’t make us friends.

 

That leads me into another thought. Be adult about it all. This can get slightly murky due to our differing degrees of options, emotional control, and maturity. However, I do expect a level of open communication indicative of a person that realizes momma ain’t coming to save them and that our choices here are permanent. Tact is respectable, but if you need to alert me to the fact that you want to see other people, that needs to be addressed. Cheating shouldn’t be as common as it is, nor should it be minimalized in phrases like,”bitches ain’t shit” or “men will be men.” It is a form of betrayal. It says that the guilty party lacks the communication skills to negotiate a polyamorous relationship, or lacks the sexual discipline required to navigate a committed relationship where exclusivity has been agreed upon. As an adult, when I think of cheating and the times that I’ve cheated, anger was involved, lack of appreciation was involved; like a criminal or an enemy, I didn’t think of who would be hurt, only that I wouldn’t get caught. And when I was apprehended, my regret was not that I cheated, but that I got caught. The few instances that I did admit to cheating before being nabbed, I thought I was about to be exposed, or intoxication caused me to be in a confessional mood. Either way, though, I’ve still betrayed a trust.

 

From my experience, many of the weeds that show them Selves capable of choking the life out of what was once such a beautiful flower could be killed early on. As implied from above, what you seek in the beginning of the relationship are the roots of that relationship. Well, duh, right? Most people tend to want to keep good friends in their life. Why? The relationship is based on qualities that we tend to want to keep around us throughout the duration of our days. Sex might not always be great with every partner, but for the most part, you can find good sex on Mcdonald’s value deal menu. The fear of betrayal, lack of interpersonal communication skills, fear of lack of approval, and a host of other psycho-social ailments all mix together in this pot of gumbo called,” the fuck buddy.” In other instances, the need for security causes us to blind our Selves to the reality of being a contractual slave. How often have I heard the notion of “learning to love someone” while taking advantage of their kindness? I’ve never “learned” to love anyone; it is something that grows. Worse than cheating on me physically, is infiltrating my emotional space while seeking to manipulate me, but never truly caring about who I was, only what I could bring to the table. If a business arrangement is what you seek, I do web design/development and freelance writing; I’m sure we can work out something for a shot of ass. Other than that, I don’t see the purpose of wasting each others time playing girlfriend and boyfriend. You don’t have to sing me sweet lullabies in order to come to terms of the business sort. And I only take pussy coupons after the first week of the fifteenth, and I don’t do groupon.

 

This, like most posts, like any post actually, is not exhaustive, but a few thoughts on relationships that I haven’t touched on here in Asylum. Happiness isn’t the only thing we seek in these couplings, and there is a certain degree of social responsibility that has to be considered with each of the couplings. As I’ve stated elsewhere, no one wants to live life on an island harboring the debris of countless burned bridges. Relationships that falter due to whatever malady create conditions whereby a person walks away with a piece of you and ill feelings. The initial motives of these relationships tend to be overlooked as we barter instant gratification for a chance to build something more worthwhile. Honesty isn’t always the best means to get what we want from people, but it does ensure a fairness that exhibits maturity. Being open about why you are with someone can prevent headaches and heart pangs later on. And lastly, the endgame of the committed relationship is the committed relationship, if you aren’t ready to tackle that, then don’t. There is plenty of dick, pussy, money, nice cars, and whatever we lie to other people about to possess them around. You don’t have to “learn to love” a person just because their pension plan looks better than yours.