The Love, Loyalty, and Silence of a Black Woman

when i first thought to write this, i had many thoughts. so many, that i knew i wanted to write them in a formal piece to be posted publicly. i pulled out my chromebook, sat down, and was ready to let loose. then, i began to struggle. my thoughts were all jumbled and i had a hard time trying to figure out how to say what i wanted to say. i realized that i was forcing it. i wanted to use eloquent, academic language to describe and talk about something that could be plainly stated and is very personal. eventually, i gave up and was pseudo-content with just leaving my thoughts to myself. then i had a conversation and decided, no, i want to write…nevermind the pomp and circumstance. i didn’t even bother to use caps…i just want to write it….and this is it…

 

to be a black woman and speak openly and freely without reproof cannot be done when the subject is a black man.

 

“there’s really no such thing as the ‘voiceless’. there are only the deliberately silenced or the preferably unheard.”

 

black women have such a deep love for black men that no one else has. we love, and we love hard and unconditionally. that unconditional love breeds loyalty. that love and loyalty is not always reciprocated, however. we are abused mentally, emotionally, and physically, and are expected and encouraged to remain silent. the more visible and prominent he is, the more silenced we are.

 

sometimes the silencing comes from the community. this is the most noticeable form. we try to speak out, but others, usually men sprinkled with women, belittle, degrade, dismiss, and ultimately silence us. this is what we see everyday on social media. men are not aloud to be held accountable for bad behavior without some form of victim shaming/blaming taking place. we are encouraged to allow men to be men. whatever the hell that means…everyday we see women being attacked in all ways because they had the courage to call a black man out on his bull.

 

the less noticeable form, is willingly being silenced. we know holding men accountable does not go without consequence, be it public or private. somehow holding men responsible translates into disloyalty and being unsupportive. we know how much we love them, so instead, we choose to remain silent to prove that loyalty and support. we are not allowed to call them out when they say they love black people, women in particular, but are treating their black woman like dirt. we are not allowed to call them out when they are fighting against police brutality against black people and at the same time beating on their black woman. we are not allowed to call them out for holding other men accountable for mistreating women when they are cheating on their own woman. we are not allowed to call out their hypocrisy. we are not allowed to call out their insensitivity. we are not allowed to call them out for being liars, cheaters, rapists, abusers…particularly when the world perceives them to be heros. heroes are human…and humans are subject to be trash…black men included. but that can’t be said…or we are called lesbians, feminists (but not in the true sense), men haters, or worse…

 

there is no cute or uplifting way for me to end this. it is what it is. until black men begin holding themselves accountable…truly and honestly holding themselves accountable, black women will always be silenced. ironically enough…chances are…we will still choose to love and support you unconditionally…