[Erica Caines] Untitled 1

A glowing light through blurry eyes. She laid in darkness. Still. All she could do was cry/ cry and stare blankly at the moon/ silently. Only slight shivers when the wind managed to get through the barely opened windows and sweeps passed her face. Only then she remembers.

 

But she said nothing.

 

She had nothing to say.

 

Not even a prayer for understanding. She knew all too well.

 

He walked in the room. Ebony skin set aglow by the silvered moon. His nakedness far from timid. Exuding strength, his muscles flexed as he tightened his grasp on an almost empty bottle of Cognac. Swishing as he adjusted himself to speak.

 

Swish.

 

Swish.

 

Silence.

 

His face told an opposite story. It was humbled. No strength to be found. Only a broken story. A story he needed her to hear, always believing she’d never understand. How could she? She had it easy. She’d be taken care of. But who’d take care of him? Help him? Help him take care of a family he wasn’t sure he wanted. But it was his. All he had. They were his silent burden in this white man’s world.

 

“I’m sorry”, he said as she continued to stare out of the window. Purposely. Only noticing the moon. Thinking about how he once mirrored it’s glow, it’s loyalty, it’s assurance. Then remembering, like the moon, he also had a dark side.

 

Swish.

 

“Baby, I’m really sorry. It’s just that…”
“I know”, she said, taking her eyes off the moon, wishing it away. Wishing for tomorrow.

 

“DAMMIT, RAE! YOU DON’T KNOW! That’s your problem. You think you know, but you don’t. It’s me out there, not you. ME! WHILE you sit in this house reading magazines learning new ways to sass me. I’m a man, Rae. You don’t know what it’s like out there for me. Practically begging. Begging for US!”

 

I ask you to beg?, she thought to herself. Open cut now throbbing above her cheek. She knew better.

 

He walked to the nightstand and placed the bottle down. He sat beside her on the bed. She laid still. Neither looking at each other, only the moon.

 

“I love you, Rae. You and the boys.”

 

“I know, Terrence… we love you.”

 

“I’m going to get my shit together. For real this time.”

 

“And we’re gonna be right here. Like always”.

 

He laid down behind her, fitting himself within her fetal position. He wrapped his nakedness around her and began to softly kiss her back.

 

All she could do was cry/ cry and stare blankly at the moon/ silently. Slight shivers from his touch. Intense throbbing from her cheek emulating his strokes.

 

The pearl shaped shined arrogantly in the room, revealing all that she knew.