What is it about a woman? From their outer beauty to the characteristics that make them who they are, women always have a way of catching the attention of anyone with eyes. The type of attitude that they possess and the style that choose to express creates many thoughts inside of a man’s mind.
Enough of the obvious..
I’ve always had a problem with women. Since I was young, I always was attracted to older women. However, it was the younger ones who always ended up capturing my heart. I like to compare women to art; they’re masterpieces. Thus, this is where the problem comes in for me. My ex once told me that I was dramatic and I love attention. She told me that I need someone who can always hold my attention, because I am quick to go after something new. I couldn’t disagree with her, because it is true. There’s nothing like a woman who looks good, smells good, and is good at what she does. If you know what I mean.
I had a masterpiece, but I was too busy checking out all the other exhibits in the gallery. Now hindsight is a muhfucka. Hindsight can show you exactly who you were, how you were, and what you were. Unless one is seriously delusional or just in denial, one cannot deny the fact of what their own pasts provides. When I say this, I mean that a person’s past is filled with all of their own thoughts, words, and actions. When I look at my pasts, I see self-inflicted pain. I was a happy child and I smile and laughed a lot, but I had plenty of dark moments. Inside of those dark moments is where I found a lot of my strength. However, those same dark moments are the ones that produced ways that aren’t always the brightest of ideas.
Growing up, I loved chicks. I just didn’t trust them. Being from Detroit, you are apart of a specific type of culture. Fashion plays a big role in that culture and not having the means to participate in shopping sprees made it hard for the girls to want you. Sure, clothes aren’t everything, but try telling that to someone who believes otherwise. Once I got to high school, I was able to afford to get the desirable fashions. However, I was still holding on to the pain of rejection.
Everyone has some type of insecurity. Not everyone deals with the root of those issues. Being in a relationship, while not handling insecurity issues, can create so much unnecessary stress. I think I put my ex through more stress than I have put anyone else through. That’s not something you do with someone you love. I mean, stress kills! My love for women and my need to prove that I could get that woman’s attention was always a problem. I’m a natural flirt. I love to hold conversations and I love to make people laugh. Whenever you flirt, there is always something else occuring underneath the flattering words and the interaction. At times, the flirting would escalate to so much more. At the end of the day though, I knew who I loved. At least I thought I did.
The pain of losing a woman that you truly adore can be one of the most unbearable feelings to have to experience. It’s like wishing that the Sun would rise, but knowing that tomorrow will never come. No matter how much I tried, winning her back was never the final result. That shit crushes an ego and goes straight past the heart and touches the soul. At least, that’s what I felt. Yet, this was my own self-inflicted pain. It was, partly, caused by having unresolved issues that manifested in wanting to prove that I wouldn’t get rejected.
I look at life like a game of Chess; I am the King and my life is my board. Now, in Chess, the King isn’t the most powerful piece, the Queen is. The Queen protects the King. Also, there is another Queen and King on that same board. Trying to go after the other Queen can be very detrimental, especially if you aren’t too good at playing the game. I was so attracted to countless other Queens that I allowed myself to lose sight of the very one who had my back, the one that was protecting me. In the end, all I got was a lesson that stuck with me to this day: Treat your woman how she deserves to be treated or you will lose her.
This King fucked up Royally, but the game isn’t over yet.