I’ve been trying to avoid the Black Gender war thing since I wrote the rebuttal to @BlaqueConscious’ piece on her blog. Seems like some troubles just follow you like a lost mangy mutt once they get a whiff of you. Anywho, I’m somewhat of a gentleman who actually enjoys opening doors for women, helping them get their things in the car at grocery stores, and the like. I don’t expect anything more than a thank you in return. I’m welcoming enough to offer a compliment with no strings attached. I figure if I can get a spread eagle from a compliment, it probably isn’t the smartest idea to swim in those waters. That being said: Ladies…every time a man does something nice for you, doesn’t mean they are trying to fuck.
I understand that the average woman is going to be approached by a number of men in a given setting. I’d say probably ten men will venture a compliment, or even a crude statement they heard from a rap(I couldn’t bring myself to type hip-hop) song. Some women are simply on guard, preventive maintenance, possibly. Of course, there are some women that seem to give me this look. You may have seen it or given a to The eye becomes slightly tighter as if to peir into my soul. I laugh and squint my eye and actually look into their souls. I let them know I’m only being nice, and attempting to emit a better vibration into the megaverse. I can’t begin to tell you the amount of times I’ve had to tell a woman,”Hey, sis! I can’t date rape you off of a simple,’Your shoes like nice,’..”
Maybe I’m wrong. I’ve been told that my words have made a sister’s day, and for the ost part many of the older sisters that I run across take compliments quite well. Sometimes too well, but that is another post!! I would like to ask the more mature sisters to teach the rest of their gender about when guys like myself roamed the earth in packs and could be found more often than pants off the arse. Remind them of the times when a man rushing to open a door didn’t create the misperception that he expected the woman to bend it low. Teach them the long lost art of taking a compliment properly: Smile. Say thank you as if you mean it, and don’t shy away like I’m trying to bite you or something! Please inform that no matter how the guy comes off afterward, the compliment is yours. It was given freely out of someone’s kindness, and whatever ulterior motive you suspect doesn’t have to create a court room interrogation.
No seriously. I’ve told a sister that her hair looked nice, and she went into this speil about how long ago it had been done. I wondered to myself if I had walked up and said, “Damn, looks like your hair ain’t been done in a month, you slouch!” what would the response have been. Given my history with women, I tend to think that I should walk around with a disclaimer on my shirts that says,”Not The One To Discourage, Ladies”. I recall as a teenager, back when the “I want a roughneck” movement was in full swing, I could count on getting the prettiest(common standard based assessment) young ladies with terms like bitch. You laugh or cringe, but I’m writing God’s script here. Seriously, it worked. As I have hopefully matured, and left childish things to the children, I wonder some days. The habit was practiced enough to have become second nature, and that trigger is still a part of my neuro make-up. Although, I’m not attempting to get the woman’s number, it does cause a brief moment of caution to over pass my soul when a woman deflects my attempts to help her, or after giving her a compliment the cold shoulder strut. I suppose I could be overly sensitive on this topic, of course I also suppose I could still be going around calling women out of their names like this guy just did across the street before getting her to smile. Good grief…
Eh…I don’t do it for the plus, but it is nice to know that your words and deeds are welcomed. Social graces are what define a culture and little things like chilvary help to provide those necessary elements of cohesion. It is not enough for me to say that I’m doing it for myself, I’m doing it because it is the human thing to do. I believe that the American Black community has been hit hard with the individualistic virus so hard that we have forgotten who and what we are. We aren’t a people that can afford to speak in minimal terms about much really, let alone actions that allow us to destroy the myths about the savage balck man. (What was it the white gyrl wrote in that e-mail about us and violence?)
Any who..before I get too deep in my public service announcement(too late!!) I would just like the ladies to consider that there are still some nice guys who enjoy being nice guys. I understand that it is not a slight or something that should be taken personally, however it does erode at that very core when you know for a fact that you could say something quite demeaning and get the response you were looking for. I’m not sure if this is some sort of self-hate thing, or what, but it is annoying to say the least.
Eh…maybe I’m crazy to think doing kind should be returned with kind…