A Love Letter To Loneliness From A Walking Red Flag

“I don’t know what it is with females, but I’m not too good at that shyt…” – Kanye West

 

So much inspiration within the boredom of pain. Or is that the pain of boredom? I really dislike when I over think one of my own tidbits of insight. Anywho…

 

Been a couple of trying weeks for the birdbrain of the Asylum. From haggling clients to low wage publishing contracts, still wrestling at the hospital silently for my mother’s health, and I suppose lonely nights are beginning to take their toll on my work ethic. According to two ex-girlfriends, who shall remain nameless for the time being(“being” is a subset of time whereby any disturbance in the ego causes an eruption and…being occurs. It is like the big bang theory of setting your exes out…), if my relationships were superheroes they would be dubbed “Quicksand” or “Burning Building.” [Sure, that did wonders for that aforementioned ego, right? Can you imagine what it did for my rule about not dating white women?] But, I give credence to the context by which these ideas grew. Although, no man should ever accept “quick” or “burning” as adjectives referencing anything sexual, yet with regard to my most previous relationships, I understand the full metaphor, although a bit dramatic, and faithless is definitely an undertone. Certainly not the two to call when the support network called Asylum Staff needs to hold a rally.

 

Continue reading “A Love Letter To Loneliness From A Walking Red Flag”

A Black Love Post…

From earlier this morning into the late afternoon, I’ve been in several discussions about relationships and more specifically marriage. I attempted to tackle this subject directly in another post at the behest of the Asylum Board of Directors. After some reflection, discussion and reading, I feel more prepared to further build on my observations.

Those of The Asylum already know the usual disclaimer when I address topics like this…I’m not a relationship guru, I believe you have to have a degree from the Kings of Comedy school of love to get that title….

It is always good to step outside of the discussion and deal with the asili, the root ideology of the cultural practice. We live in a patriarchal country. A capitalist, or corporatist patriarchy at that. This means that materialism will be high, and male dominance even higher. Couple in the factor of white male dominance in this particular era and you have a cultural influence that states that strength is male, white, violent or financially oppressive. No where in this equation have I used the term “love”.

White male dominance doesn’t contribute to the affectionate nature of people. The oppressive force of western imperialism speaks to the violent nature of people and objectifies us to the degree that we identify ourselves by our job titles, the cars we drive, the neighborhoods we live in, or the clothing we wear. The man who kills for a living gets medals of honor, while the woman that creates life is shamed if she isn’t legally attached to a man. In a psycho-social environ such as this, it is expected that marriage will be less about the feelings of affection, nurture, and spiritual bonding in the minds of males being marginalized in this economic warfare. In fact, a simple look at what was considered a love song written for a male singer to sing in the 1970s compared to one in 2010 will reveal much about the growing objectifying force of western thought on the black peoples born in the USA. It has gone from “love song” to a “slow song”.

Poetry and music, which are usually associated with the concept of loving and expressions of affection, have taken a cynical view of black love. The embrace of terms such as “captain-save-hoe”, “trick”, and other terms that conceptualize men that show monetary concern for women objectified as the lower, the “eve” displacement, as being worthy of scorn and derision is a reflection of the warfare of economic patriarchy. This scorn and derision is not limited to locker room banter or the insular world of male bonding. It seeps off the tongues of women who are socialized to view mating as a game of being selected by the male with the most pretty feathers. In the same manner that males are socialized to compartmentalize women based on their sexual promiscuity and the degree of their sexual willingness, females follow the lead of the males and regard males who are loose with their generosity as weak.

Co-modification of the female form, especially in forms of media geared for urban black audiences, has created a market for women like Karin Steffans, Kat Stacks, and Nikki Minaj. Not to disparage the behaviors or actions of the aforementioned, let’s be honest, they have done nothing more than address the economic advantage of women who allow themselves to be objectified by a masculinity trained to “make it rain” for naked and gyrating female forms. The contradictions are so obvious, at times I have to make sure I’m simply just transcribing my observations, and not a victim of illogical thought. You are a “captain save a hoe” if you treat a woman you are interested in building a relationship with to a dinner, but you are the “man” if you toss that same money at a naked woman hypnotizing you with dances and sexual innuendo. It is not surprising to me that in a country where men marry “trophy wives” for the sake of status display, that black women feel the need to dress in the most scantily clad fashions. If you got the figure why not show it off, right, ladies? Yeah, some attention ain’t worth the trouble.

So, we are discussing relationships and marriage in a country where sex is constantly used to sell us our day to day products. A country where men are expected to be the provider for women, yet in some communities viewed as less than a man for…providing for a woman. A country where men are bombarded with the female form in all of its bare assed glory, trained to regard the man who sleeps with the most women that other men wish to sleep with as the ideal, and yet looks upon any woman that does the same as lacking moral fiber. The same country where those same men will spend their whole earnings on a woman that they consider as lacking moral fiber, but deem it less than prudent to date a woman with children because of financial concerns. The country where some women define a “good man” as one that can be a willing provider, wait until they are older to “settle” down, and then complain that all the “good men” are taken. A country where masculinity is often nothing more than the ability to be violent and uncouth, according to most standards, and we wonder why the domestic violence rates are as high as they are.

I don’t know if my logic is going to allow me to deal with relationships in this country. The elements that govern this country’s culture are some of the most unconducive for a relationship to thrive in. What are the divorce rates in the US versus that of the rest of the world? Which means that it is going to be even worse for those that are economically and militarily(I consider the police the local military) oppressed. I’m not at all alarmed by the women I read and hear making statements that love doesn’t exist. Look at who you are loving! Look at who you are passing up love from! I’m not the least bit awestruck by the degree of insecurity and commitment phobias expressed by men. You spend your earlier years spending all your money, time, and energy seeking the women you can have sex with the least degree of serious intent to forge even a casual relationship with, the women that look the most like the ones being force fed down your visual esophagus dressed in the latest form fitting fashions, and then one day decide to “settle” down, and now you are concerned about who your fiancee has done that “one thing” with before she met you! You spend your early years of independence(and thus learning) in the pursuit of the exact opposite of what you deem as ideal, and wonder why the ideal always seems so tarnished when you find yourself with it.

Oppression will make ant shit look like an obese elephant’s dookie.

The most common solution for problems facing the black community to emulate or simply imitate the white community. When the impoverished forms of behaviors that descend from an oppressive patriarchy visit the community, we wonder why. I’ve heard and read that black males must organize themselves for protecting the black community in the same manner as the white male, since we are in a patriarchy. Understandable assertion. However, do you think white militias started off as well developed world wide military forces? What do you think those gangs derived from? A well formed quasi-military(by national standards) group. What do you think a war zone looks like? Haven’t been following the news stories coming out of Chicago, LA, and most urban outlets? What does all this have to do with love, right?

The white model of behavior, as most patriarchies will have to be, is the epitome of hyper masculinity. Every form of this model gets emulated by the black community, from the mannerisms defined as “professional” to the rules that govern our forming relationships, and yet, the major element of love for Black woman doesn’t get modeled. As a person that does a lot of reading of tutorials, I realize that if an element is missing from my tool box that is necessary to mimic a particular model, I have to improvise. It seems as though the improvisation in the instance of blacks modeling the white structure is for Blacks to put white women or white men on the same pedestal that white people are allowed to place themselves on. When we look at the love stories of the white community, even the ones where a Latino woman is playing the part of a white women, there seems to be a major element lacking from our obvious attempts to replicate in the black community that which is in the white one. The high regard of one another.

Beyond the objectification that comes with seeing women as damsels in distress, there is a large degree of misogyny in the black community. It has run rampant through our media for the last four decades. Who could ever produce a movie where a Black woman as a prostitute would be embraced by a Black male millionaire, have the Black millionaire fall in love with the Black prostitute, and live happily ever after…no sequel? And although I enjoy films that display black love, I sense a familiar pattern. I agree with Aaron McGruder’s comical assessment that many of Tyler Perry’s movies, the ones that reach a wider audience than his plays, carry this note where the darker Black man is the brute, or the pimp, and woman is swept off her feet and saved by the lighter brother, or latino, or even a white man. Even to the point of killing off the black man.

I sometimes ask myself would Ice Cube’s “Player’s Club” have worked if a darker sister played the role of Diamond…just one of those things that I consider when I reflect on these sorts of discussions. As a media analyst it is very difficult for me to pass up the observation that the main point of conflict in the movie “Love Jones”, one of two of my favorite black theatrical love stories, is that the two main characters involved in the romantic engagement are pressured by their respective friends to say that they were not in love with the other. Although, “Jason’s Lyric” is one of my all time favorite Action/Romance movies, I can’t help but to compare the relationship between Jason and Lyric to that of Alonzo and Marti, and in some ways an even more darker comparison between that of “Mad Dog” and Gloria. Due to the many backdrops and subplots going on in the movie it can be difficult to focus on those three relationships, but I’ll try my best here.

You have a couple that has the typical gentle romantic involvement. The romance between Jason and Lyric is seeped in escapism, which is for the most part the overarching theme of the movie – escaping from the black community. The climactic boat ride, the warshing(it’s an Asylum post…) of the feets(…again…), the slow and deliberate sexual engagement that tends to mark “love making” in our culture is all wrapped in the imaginary role playing, verbally staged in Paris, France, and Jason(“You see me”, worst southern accent imitation in movie history Allen) is Prince Charming. Jason becomes Lyric’s escape. This is also emphasized in the statement by Gloria when she says,”You found quiet in a world full of thunder.” I would like to emphasize the physical traits of Jason and Lyric, but I do feel my colorism can only go so far in one post. However, since I did address the pattern in Perry’s movies, I will admit I noticed the darker brothers fit the role of the brute, as ascribed by white movie makers. You have “Mad Dog”, once the ideal of fatherhood, mentally scarred by his duty in the Vietnam War, who is so brutally drunk that one son wants to murder him, and the other accidentally kills him. I suppose with an all black cast I can’t get away with the old adage that the black person is always the first to get killed here. Alonzo, the other dark brother in the movie(I know, I know…), played by the porn star turned rapper again Treach, is the leader of a gang of bank robbers. Besides that fact that Alonzo and Gloria’s sex scene, staged outside against wall, is more to my liking(don’t judge, everyone has their own expressions of love), I do realize that a contrast is being made here. Possibly a foreshadowing of Treach’s future “acting career”, the scene works to cast a certain light on the relationship between the “hood” guy and his woman who feels that she has to show cleavage, because, “the bigger the tits, the bigger the tip”(I died a little, too). The Buck meets the Sapphire caricatures if you will. Of course, I would be amiss if I didn’t mention how hard it is for me to not sense the writer of the movie casting Lyric as the tragic mulatto. It helps my analysis that even when Jason and Lyric have less than gentle embraces, it is scripted as out of concern, and not so much “to hose” her down.

My media analysis skills to the side for a second. I don’t believe that black people should model themselves after the people that created the system that has oppressed so many. I address our cinematic portrayals of love and not so much so because life has a very weird tendency to imitate art, and of course the not so art.
A peoples attempting model themselves after a group of people that only sell “love” to their middle class economic engine for the purpose of maintaining a social network that will produce more workers tend to regard “love” as for suckers or squares. What is interesting to me is the depth with which capitalism can reach and taint something so effervescent. The co-modification of love has got to be the coldest trick the devil ever pulled.

We’ve become so materialistic that our goals are more important than our evolution, our continuance of the human. Sex is only one of the qualities that we experience with regard to Life’s ever coursing desire to be. We are trained to frown on the emotional aspects of our nature, as if emotion was the reason our ancestors were sold by their elite brethen on those west Afrikan shores all those years ago. As if money didn’t have any part of the reason Black women were used to breed, and now we seek the best business contract to be brought to the table before we consider a birth prudent. We don’t fall in love, we make investments. And I don’t want to belittle the financial aspect of a relationship, because it is a very real consideration. Yet, for a people that produced the likes of Harriet Tubman, Fannie Lou Hamer, and Ida B. Wells, people who “LOVED” black people…for free…it moves me to remember that even finance has a place below love. We like to use phrases like “passion”, “drive”, and “hunger” when it comes to getting money, and yet those terms are frowned upon when we discuss the natural emotional attraction of two people.

It is well regarded in this society to be emotional about money, but it is ill reflected upon when we discuss love. The one thing we lost during slavery, we don’t consider as the reason why we are still in the same position collectively in the hierarchy. The one thing that made US slavery the worst form of slavery in history, the very one thing that gave it new meaning, is that same thing that we are sacrificing everything for. From hip-hop to our own personal individual lives, love has been squandered for money, and we continue to berate those that say they love something other than money more than they seek money. I’m not saying I don’t want to live better, I am saying that I’d rather die for what I love than to die for money. I know what it feels like to go out for a dollar. I don’t have to live by the standards of a system of sick humans wallowing in their apparent sickness. But, I’m supposed to be building on relationships, right?

Yeah, I know…I just did.

Let’s Talk About Sex…Well, Couples Anyway…

Conversations have to be the life blood of a blogger’s inspiration. I want to revisit the discussion I had on Twitter yesterday regarding relationships. Romantic relationships to be exact. As a disclaimer, and I truly feel that writings like this should have a caveat: I’m not a relationship guru, I don’t claim to be one, and I don’t particularly feel the need to have my words taken in that context. Furthermore, as most you have gathered, I’m pretty much a relativist in my thinking, and romantic relationships tend to span the spectrum from swingers to polyamorous couples. I have my own beliefs about relationships, and I don’t want to impose on another person’s choice–within a certain context of social responsibility, of course.

 

That out the way…

 

Alright, I’d like to freestyle a bit and hopefully I don’t diverge into too many varying directions. From what I’m reading, observing, and hearing from others,it seems to me that there is a lot of fear with regard to intimate relationships and committed romantic involvements. From the discussion of ready made families, fears about games, fears about committing, fears about being with someone with a sordid past, and sexual insecurities in general. I’ve pretty much heard the same sorts of discussions on both sides of the gender aisle: guys saying women have unrealistic expectations, or they don’t want to date a woman who used to only date “thugs” and now that they are older they want to settle down with someone who is a little less aggressive. Women saying men don’t know what they want from a woman, and the guys they are meeting have children with multiple women, or just don’t seem like they are ready to settle down. There does seem to be a certain generational divide, where younger people are a little less prone to want to commit.

 

With hip hop promoting not only a promiscuous life style, but one in which men are “pimps” or “super players” and women are “gold diggers” or only wanting to be involved with men that are only there to provide finances for their material exploits, there is going to be a difficulty to trust those in the dating pool. With the human propensity for novelty and security figured into that emotional miasma, you can expect a high level of relationships that aren’t, in my opinion, really aren’t worthy of the definition of exclusive.

 

You’ve got two different social paradigms at play here. On the one hand, you’ve got people who can’t find a mate, or aren’t pleased with their prospects. On the other hand, you’ve got people supposedly committed to someone, and yet they are either not really happy, cheating, sharing themselves openly with others(I might actually tackle that at some point in time), or just in what I call a “professional relationship”. By “professional relationship” I mean, two people basically just together to provide financial support, a good showing at social gatherings, and every now and then, a warm body. The type of scenario in which the parties involved have lost a considerable amount of respect for the bond, a lot of times aren’t even friends and have grown so far apart that their lifestyles could possible be in conflict, ie, he hates her friends, she hates his hobbies, they don’t interact well, well, because they have no common interests and actually despise the type of person the other has become. Those types of situations can get ugly, meaning violent, depending on the persons involved. Plus, there is going to be a difficulty in compromising on a vision for the relationship(an idea of what the couple should be striving for in the future) if their lifestyles are so divergent that their concepts of what a relationship should be like are incompatible. Works for some, it tends to sound like a waste of my time to me.

 

Which sort of brings us full circle. If we aren’t seeing many healthy relationships, and the ones we have been in weren’t experiences we’d like to repeat, we are bringing negative emotions into the dating pool. The direction that I’m hearing a lot of people going is the “cuddy buddy with emotional investments route”. Let me describe this…its a commitment that isn’t a commitment. It’s sex, dinner, movies, and social gatherings with hand holding…but no formal agreement between the two people involved that they are actually a couple. It’s the “we are exclusive but not exclusive enough for you to obligate me to anything relationship-y…” route. Its the “you can’t claim me” game. From my experience, observations, and discussions, these tend to be pretty messy. There is no definition! It’s Sun Tzu’s “Art of War” for intimates! I’ve personally learned that, for me, I’d rather take my chances on a break up than an emotional investment that doesn’t really exist. I tend be better suited for situations the have some sort of rules of engagement. And another thing, I’ve had a lot of experiences with people testing boundaries, it is my practice in most social involvements to lay down some sort of understanding of “this far, and no further”. Of course, I tend to be quite old school in my views regarding intimate bonds.

 

Per the earlier disclaimer…these are simply my expressed ruminations about romantic coupling. However, in a society where wealth and power are controlled by families that don’t seem to want to ease up on their stranglehold, you’re probably going to want other people to at least be accepting of the idea of a committed relationship. I personally would hope that they are loving couples, because loving couples tend to rear emotionally nourished children. Friends tend to make time more enjoyable, so it seems logical that two people who are sharing the sort of intimate space that couples routinely do, they should probably have some common interests and enjoy a healthy loyalty to one another.

On Black Men, Bitches, And Pussy

I just can't win...
And I like Her...wow...
Geezues!!! Lawd On High, or that is High...smoke one with me...
See what I'm Talking About!!

Alright.

 

I’m on twitter and this sister drops a comment about men and lying. She has this image of her legs with a sponge over her, well, you see it. So, every now and then I like seeing it in my timeline(My apologies…still working on the pornograpy problem.) I responded to her by typing,”
I’m going to lie. Or tell you something you may be offended by. Can I skip the test and the background check?”

Alright...a little bold, but honest...
Hey, the guy can be a bit candid...eh, sometimes too candid..

 

So, she asks me if I have to lie why bother, or something to that effect. We toss a few really cool twts(responses via twitter) at one another, I thought it was really cool…until she calls me a “pussy”.

 

Now, regardless of my extremely testoterone imbalanced past, I can tell you, she touched a nerve. I didn’t respond to her in like. I simply told her,”Please…don’t make me do it. I already can’t get the follow from you. If I say this…you’ll block me.”

 

Now, for those who don’t use twitter a block means I can’t respond to her. I can see her timeline if she is not private(I have to ask for permission to see her timeline(the statements she has made via twitter), but if she is…no good). Of course, I am now upset. Regardless if I respond to her or not, the energy exist, I’m responding to people, and my base is primarily Black Women. Not a good mixture. I will be honest though. I thought I handled myself well. Some felt that certain images I conjured up were a bit too much, but I felt like I wasn’t resorting to the “b” this, “h” that routine that most men do.

 

The comment that touched the most nerves was when I responded,” My fault, Queen…young sister made some really rude statements cuss she couldn’t stand in her on period blood” Now, I apologize. I didn’t know the phrase period blood was going to cause so much harm. I was in several conversations via Twitter’s direct(private) messages and on the timeline in public. I still haven’t responded to everyone, hence the reason I wrote this.

 

I am still not quite sure if I owe an apology other that to admit that I didn’t know it would cause such a stir. I’m not quite sure about what is politically correct for a man to say to a woman, since women are saying so much to men. It is very difficult to know exactly what is appropriate if it is acceptable for you to call me a “pussy”(meaning weak), but the minute I call another man a “pussy” in the same context, then I am a target for the Black Feminist Liberation Army.

 

To be completely honest I had to ask a woman friend was I a sexist! I even ran to the book shelf and grabbed “Ain’t I a Woman” by bell hooks and started going over my notes in there. I was really trying to find out what I had done wrong!

 

So now I am in this funk of sorts, wondering if I am the guilty party for using terms the way they are being used. I’m like, well women have been through this and that in the male power environment. Then I thought about it…well, not Black Women. Possibly in the White Male Power environment, but you don’t have that history within the American Black experience. No matter what I say about Bro. Louis(Min. Farrakhan) I can’t deny his wisdom in placing a woman imam(Minister) over a whole region(South Region). Not only did he break fundamental Islamic conventions by naming a woman as an Imam(probably punishable by death in some countries) he named her head over a whole region.

 

Ericka Huggins, A widow at the age of 19, was leader of the Black Panther Party on the West Coast. She is the widow of Bunchy Carter, who was assassinated by the US organization. She was the head of the Black Panther Party region most associated with the C.R.I.P.S(Communist Reform In Progress Service). This is the region that would extend in to various street organizations. Do you get my point? Do you understand what she was head of? The type of men she was commanding?

 

The American Black woman has not had the history that other women have had. In no group of people is the woman raised to such a high position. In other countries many of the practices that American Black women deem as cultural would cause death. Even White American women look to the American Black woman for a paradigm of strength. How many cultures around the globe can boast of having two of the richest women…rich like Madame C.J. Walker in the early 20th century and Oprah Winfrey in our current times?

 

I don’t know. The more I address, the more problems I have to deal with. I am attacked for using “period blood” as a metaphor for accountability while the topic of my concern calls me “pussy”( a female organ by the way) and a “bitch”(a word that means FEMALE dog, if you didn’t know). So, am I wrong for stating that she can’t handle her natural problems, but she right for using terms that reflect the female gender as being weak? How so? How does that logic work?

…The Nerdy Nigga Strikes Back…

Alright…

I came across this interesting (why do I hate that word) blog posting from a sister I met on twitter. The blog post is entitled, “Never Satisfied: Why Nerdy Black Men Can’t Find Happiness.” And the piece is written by a sister that can be found on twitter under the screen name @BlaqueConscious. Now, as I am writing this, we are dialoguing about the piece on twitter. As those of you who follow my writings know, I don’t attack people, I murder mindsets.

I would honestly ask that you read the post. It is very well written; passionate to say the least. I didn’t want to bias my response with my own emotions, because, well, the piece is personal enough in my opinion. I don’t know the sister beyond the three blog posts of hers I have read in the past, I do know she has a certain contempt for the culture of brothers that “ride high”(driving cars on rims above 28”). And to be completely fair, I do believe I could agree with her, if I could only narrow down what exactly we are referencing as a “nerd.” Due to the colloquial nature of the piece, I can’t use dictionaries to define a word that obviously has its own history of connotations, especially in a piece that is as subjectively biased as this one.
What I can do is what I am best at: Ask questions.

With the questions answered maybe I can further my over all opinion on the subject. Until those questions are answered, I can only analyze the piece and attempt to gain my own understanding for her point of view, and continue the dialogue as I am always known to do.

Never satisfied.

I remember once when I was much younger, a young lady posed this question to me and an acquaintance, “What is satisfaction?” Now, at that time, in my pre-post-adolescence, around 17, my mind ran for the first scenario it could, buying tennis shoes. I responded with the confidence of salesman, “Well, when I see a pair of shoes that I like, I want them. When I buy them I satisfied, and even more so after I wear them. But, after awhile, I’m not as satisfied, and I want another pair.” She was impressed (as young ladies can be by handsome charm, no matter how superficial the analogy) and she replied that she understood that, and she began into her on spiel about shoe shopping and satisfaction.

Allow me to bring this into context.

What we are discussing here, or rather what the blog post in question is theorizing, is “nerds” and their inability to initiate romantic and/or sexual encounters or relationships with desirable women, specifically desirable Black (American) women (Excuse me, BLACK “nerds”, and I am going to assume by the author’s context that she means American born, or US American born Black “nerds”). The author, @BlaqueConscious (and from hence forth, this post will refer to her by that name), states…

“Nerdy black men (like nerdy white men) know they are not in a position to be the ALPHA MAN women desire (with looks, money, and power) in their pre-success years yet these individuals believe women (mainly black women) should be falling all over them anyway. Not only should black women be falling all over them, but we should also stick by their sides while they are trying to move up in the world despite all their shortcomings. Why do they expect this? Because nerdy black men are supposedly the ONLY “good” black men left in the world (let them tell it). Black women (not just any black woman but the “dime” piece…more on this later) are supposed to forget that these individuals most often lack charisma (swagger or whatever you want to call it), lack any type of personality, are awkward as fuck, are uncomfortable in social settings (parties & clubs), are often times broke as hell, can’t dress, don’t know the first thing about “wooing” a woman, often times tend to be angry at the world for their inability to overcome being a social pariah, and they are generally unpleasant to be around. “

Well, hell, let’s end the discussion right there, right! Here we have it: The non-ALPHA MAN, who wants to be appreciated for abiding by the societal script of being the “good black man” that we all read about in our fairy tales wants to be with an attractive woman. But he can’t. Why? They lack “swagger”, they lack a personality, they are awkward(as “fuck” I must add), and they are not used to being at “parties & clubs”. Wait…did I mention: they are often broke(as “hell” I must add), they don’t dress in a fashionable manner, and they don’t know the first thing about charming a woman out of the club into the backseat of a rented Lexus, or even over his or her house later in the week for sex. Am I reading too much into the statement?

I don’t have a problem with this actually, because I feel it is simply a description. However, what I get out of it may be offensive to some. Many men who have a solid sense of fashion, who do have a great and winning personality, and who enjoy themselves in clubs also are having a difficult time securing a sexual encounter with the same desirable Black women. I am not even discussing a full-fledge romantic encounter, or a relationship. Why do you think guys like Tariq Nasheed can build a career off of books like, “The Art of Macking”? I mean, seriously, there is a whole field of guys who go around teaching men how to approach women, and most of them are talking to white men. I’m also seeing a breach of interests here. Everybody isn’t comfortable in clubs or social settings. There is a reason why alcohol related accidents are high, because people like to get comfortable with intoxicants in social settings, namely the club and parties.

Let me get back to a line I just wrote. I stated that there seems to be a disconnect in interests. While taking a break today, I was discussing boring hobbies with one of my friends on campus. We both enjoy writing, but he doesn’t enjoy graphic design. He thinks Photoshop and illustrator are boring. I agree. He also said that most people have boring hobbies though. I tend to agree with this as well. The degree of persistence with anything can become cumbersome to an individual with no prerequisite desire to learn that thing. Even those who have an enormous degree of joy practicing certain things can experience what is known as “burn out” after awhile. So, what if we don’t like the same things? What happens when your skill set doesn’t allow you the opportunity to develop certain social skills? Then you are probably going to become labeled a “nerd”?

This is an interesting paragraph, I will return to it in later blog posts, it may be referred to as “Exhibit A”. Moving on…

She continues to write:

“I want you to think back to the time when you were in high school. In that time was there ever a popular girl (cheerleader, student body president, homecoming queen etc) in a relationship with a nerd/geek? I can honestly say NO! When I was in high school I was student body president and guess what? My boyfriend and high school sweetheart at the time was captain of the football team. As a popular pretty girl I was checking for a popular good-looking boy and vice versa. Why? Because in our high school social hierarchy he was the ALPHA MAN and I was the ALPHA WOMAN.
Julius Caesar could have had any woman he desired (though I believe he was married). Yet he set his sights on Cleopatra, the baddest woman in the land. Cleopatra could have any man she wanted, but she set her sights on the married Julius Caesar, the baddest emperor in the land. What does this tell us? Those at the top don’t usually go for those at the bottom (and it’s been that way for centuries). A nerd is at the bottom. A dime piece (who is at the top) is more than likely not going to go for a nerd. The only way a dime piece would go for a nerd is if he CHANGED his status (with money) or if he transformed from a nerd to man with presence. **Side
note—For those of you who don’t know what the term “dime piece” means it is slang for a woman who is a TEN on the attractive measuring scale.”

First off, I really wish this sister wouldn’t have said high school. The first thing that I thought reading it was, “Oh, so we are discussing high school practices. High school, like back when I was a juvenile? So could this be considered a juvenile mentality? Yeah, great. Your standard is an immature social paradigm. Great. Thanks…but no thanks, when I was a child I thought and acted as one…” The second thought that came to my mind was a historical one, which made me wish she didn’t use this particular historical reference. The author may not consider Barack Obama a nerd, but I wonder if Michelle Obama would be considered one.

If we can still recall the Inaugural Ball, we witness the lack of grace and rhythm of the first Black(Progeny of US American slaves) Lady. We know that Michelle is a graduate of Princeton University and Harvard Law. We also know that she grew up on the South Side of Chicago. We also know that she skipped the second grade, and by the sixth grade she was in gifted classes. We also know that she attended a magnet high school, Chicago’s first, she took advanced placement classes, a National Honor Society member, as well as the treasurer for her student council. Damn, Michelle, too bad you couldn’t have been the president, you would have been a bad ass dime dating the head of the football team.

A brilliant woman in her own space, we also have pictures of her as a juvenile and we know that she is not the coveted “dime”(oh, that is slang for a woman who is a TEN on the attractive measuring scale…yeah, the same one used to describe Bo Derek’s character in “10” circa the early 1980s. Oh, yeah…”10″, the movie about the nerdy screen-writer who seduces the woman who is a dime…eh..). So, we have the president of one of the most powerful countries in our time being involved with a nerd. This is of course because the baddest man on the planet, the big capital letter ALPHA MAN, wants to be with…er..uh, um…a woman who loves him for him, appreciates his interests, can hold a conversation beyond “America’s Next Top Model”, and would make a great mother for his children?

Alright, I think I’ve beat that up enough.
More fuel to burn…:

“Why the hell aren’t you pursuing/lusting after nerdy black women (your female counterparts) instead of dime pieces? It doesn’t matter what college you go to in this country. Chances are there are MORE black women walking around that campus than black men. Chances are a number of those black women are NERDS. Why aren’t nerdy black men beating down their door? Could it be they don’t find their female counterparts as appealing as the dime pieces? I think so. If black nerds won’t date a black female version of themselves how the hell do they figure a dime piece would date them?
When Bill Gates married he didn’t go out here and pull a Cindy Crawford supermodel type (though I’m sure with his money he could have). No, he went and pulled a female version of himself. His wife is just brilliant and nerdy as he is, but the important thing is they compliment each other. They make each other happy. He didn’t go chasing waterfalls. He stuck to the rivers and the lakes that he was used to. “

Just as brilliant and nerdy. He stuck to the rivers and the lakes that he was used to…yeah, the elite and extremely successful ones…And now I need a drink. Oh well…

Once again, I’m at a loss for apt analysis, mainly because, I don’t know any black men or women that date without having a social interest that at least brings them into proximity with one another. If I am a club type dude, then I’m going to meet a woman there that at least likes to go to the club every once and awhile. Michelle meets Obama when he became her assistant. He took her to an art museum, common interests, or at least one she was able to appreciate, and then they went to go see Spike Lee’s classic movie about nerds having sex with dime women because their alpha male, my fault, their ALPHA MALE(did you hear the echo in the room…read it again, I swear it’s an experience!), boyfriend tells them to…before he dumps her for the next dime—“School Daze.” I’m just not getting it.

I’m on campus at a predominantly white university, so I understand her point about there being more black women on campus. Very true. Of course, I see the same pattern here as what I’ve discussed earlier. Most of the couples I see here are people who have either shared a class with one another, meet in an organization, or played sports and encountered one another during practices. People don’t meet out of the sky. Hell, people can’t even meet long distance without some social medium and an interest. So, either I don’t know any nerds, or the nerds that I know by virtue of basic physics have all met people on the job, in classrooms of their major(hint hint), and or an athletic association…whoops..and this is my point, not only do the people I refer to as nerds have women in their lives, they also play ball. Distinctions are so important.

Okay, I better deal with this now. Beauty standards aren’t natural occurrences and they change from culture to culture depending on the decentralization of the country’s media with the worlds. Considering that most countries are more insular racially, and the US as well, most people will based their standards on women who look like those found in their race. Which sort leans on my point. What is a dime to one man, shouldn’t be a dime to another, but conformity and ego will set in, and most of us are drawn to the women we see on television and in magazines. With the advent of hip-hop music videos the desirable physical features of black women changed some from what was desirable in the eighties. One case in point is the oft debated “thick” definition. What was thick in the eighties for most black men, might be consider skinny, possible even petite now. Given that most of our media is owned, excuse me, all of our media is white-controlled, and the images of women will reflect that. What we also know about media representations of women as sexual objects is that the models represent an almost impossible standard. This is what white women are saying. As far as what black “nerds” are passing up, I seriously question if this is a national pattern, and men that are ALPHA MALES(did you hear it?) are even dating white women, as well as the so-called thugs.

As a total critique of the piece, as a literary element…I’m in love with it. Unfortunately, I’m one of those guys that “dumbed” down during school and in conversations to avoid the problems with being labeled a geek and or a nerd. Possibly my response to this piece is due to that. I don’t take personal issue with it, I have many more demons to deal with than that, but I do wonder how many other brothers and or sisters might be doing some of the things I went through or witnessed attempting to avoid that label. Even Barack Obama is touted more as the “hip” president, (i.e.,”he plays basketball!!”). Which is funny to me, because I realize that Barack probably couldn’t handle the same level of ball game that most young black males bring on the average ball court in Any Black Neighborhood, USA. You would be a blind and naive person to think that Obama would’ve been accepted as child growing up in black community. He was not accepted when he first came to South Side Chicago. Michelle, that nerdy black chick he was theoretically supposed to pass up for Beyonce, had to stand up for him. So, much for the myth that all Black women want a man that can fight gangsters…well, until they are one, I suppose…

“My question is why can’t nerdy black men DEVELOP the qualities women like? Women often times change to fit the standards of men, but men rarely do the same. Women are expected to take men, as they are whether they are good-looking, fat, short, or ugly. I’m going to tell black men the same thing I have told black women: If black women are overlooking you I suggest you take a GOOD LONG LOOK in the mirror because nine times out of ten that’s where the problem starts.”

I don’t know. I’m really lost here. I have had a lot of growing up to do since I was a child, and one of the major things I had to deal with was authenticity. I don’t think it is wise for anyone to adjust themselves for anything really, let alone a mate. If all you want is sex, then I say work the room like all the other guys, including the ALPHA MALES(I know you heard it that time!!). If you are looking for a relationship beyond one night, excuse me, beyond two hours, then I suggest you attempt to at least be honest about your interests and abilities. Life can’t be hidden and we are all a part of that life. There are no real skills that one can develop to impress a person that is not impressed by you. None. You can be a great actor or actress, but one day, you will have to drop that shield. If you are someone that enjoys sitting in front of a computer for hours, then the person you decide to be with will have to accept that, and in some ways should appreciate and admire that about you. I don’t think these to be ideal considerations, in fact, I know someone in a great relationship just like that. Smiles.

I would be completely amiss as a hater for hire if I didn’t mention the author’s underlying sentiment. I don’t seriously think every woman thinks like this sister does, but I would imagine quite a few do, or have. As vibratory beings we are all attracted to those with the greatest degree of vibration. Like peacocks we scramble to show our colors(vibrations of light) when mating. I don’t know if @blaqueconscious is attempting address a concern about black women that are overlooked or what, and any sincere and reasonable message to any sane and rationale man that I know was lost in her beginning paragraph. The incendiary commentary that we American Blacks love to refer to as “real talk” is usually real ineffective as a tool for change, and just because black males have not the record for shooting up schools for being treated like social pariahs, I’d be careful with that as media communicator. Not saying that it is the responsibility of the blogger to be socially responsible, but I’d think if I was Black, and had conscious(aware) thought about the plight of black people in this country, I’d try to be a little careful with my writings.

This post is pregnant with various topics that need to be addressed, and I should probably end here and tackle another later. And with that…later…

Friends…

Friends, what made me think of that as a topic of discussion…? Geezus kirist. Alright, let me dig in…

 

I’m in college with a buddy of mine I’ve known for over twenty years now, and I willingly admit, that he is my friend. He someone that dislikes seeing me in pain, but will not allow me to bring him in mine as he assist me in my road to recovery. He has his expectations, but never have the expectations come between the bond. He knows I’m human, and he understands that as a person, I have to fulfill obligations across the board. He understands that at times I can be a half-ass brother(hahah), he seems to be alright with that. A friend doesn’t have to be a crutch, and often they shouldn’t be. Too often in my life I have associated with those who have sought to assist me with their ass to kiss.

 

I was asked about relationships, and in my mind, a committed…COMMITTED relationship between a man and a woman should be a friendship. There should be a sharing of common interests and pursuits so that when the road gets forked, the two don’t separate but can collaborate to achieve a higher level of commitment. In hollywood and Hip-Hop”wood” we see the image of the institution of marriage meaning nothing more than a comfortable arrangement to unite bank accounts. The relationships don’t last long, and some of the ones that I’m thinking about that do last for decade or two(damn…crack is a helluva drug…) don’t seem to end well. I understand the need for practical actions and decisions in a capitalist society. We all should be striving for a higher expression of economic independence and self-sufficiency, but I don’t recommend pimping yourself to someone for life. I’ve heard it said several times,”Obligation kills desire.” And once you are obligated to someone you only desire for money or sex, well…I hope the court and attorney fees don’t hurt the children’s college fund.

 

In the Us American Black community and culture, especially among the young ladies, it has become popular to say,”I don’t have friends,I just have associates.” I’m not the world’s friendliest character, but I know that without those that I can call on in times of desperation and grievous turmiol…I might not be here to type these words to you.And please don’t misread me. I’ve been robbed by people that I considered trustworthy, I’ve seen what envy does to your closest intimates. I know how cold the metal of betrayal feels when it is being stabbed into your back. Yet, I have decided that a person is not an island, and it helps if the bridges that bond us are securely established through a certain dedication to the ideal of friendship.

 

I’d like to hear your thoughts on friendship, as I know that it is one of those phrases that we all have a tendency to define differently.