Morality Vs Sex

During my blog talk radio show, Unchained Owl, on the Unchained Network, a sister and I exchanged thoughts regarding what men seek out regarding a woman’s sexual counter. And…well, I better let the sister, @LuvleehPoet explain for her Self…

Morality lost;

Mind drowning in consciousness;

Sex unleashed its fury.

-Luvleeh Poetiklocks

(Inspired by @OwlsAsylum’s quote (paraphrased) “…Just because one is conscious, does not mean they are moral.”)

Sex, Love & Other Shit with The Unchained Mind on BTR was an interesting three hour interview/ talk session with the infamous @OwlsAsylum. There were some controversial topics that were brought to my attention in regards to (black) men and women and their views on the given subject matter. The above quote drew my attention because consciousness does not equal morals. I was asked to write this blog concerning my views on men in the present years that are more inclined to be with women who are experienced over choosing a virgin. I feel a man can be conscious about a woman’s sexual past, but this does not mean he will judge her upon it, thus seeking her hand in marriage/relationship.

First in order to explain this, I must go into detail in regards to what I feel experienced is in this modern day as well as being a “virgin”. There are two types of experienced women- the stereotypical female who is marked as a “slut” for being actively involved in a very promiscuous sexual life. The other is the stereotypical “good girl” she’s had few sexual encounters or many but solely with those she’s been romantically involved with (dating); one men feel they can bring home to mom. Then there is the “virgin” she is in essence pure, untouched, “waiting for the right man”, marriage etc. {{{Side note: I know of women who are physically in essence virgins, but engage in sexual activity that doesn’t involve vaginal penetration.}}}

This all being said I find most women by the age of 21 have experienced at least one sexual encounter of any degree {i.e vaginally, orally or anal intercourse.} whether voluntarily or involuntarily. This being stated, on average, men are accustomed to meeting, dating or marrying women who are not “VIRGINS” just as well as women will very unlikely meet a mate who is himself a virgin. Nevertheless, in our society it is more accepted to have a man who has sewn his wild oats, than to allow a woman the same freedom. She then becomes the “slut”- the less desired female for marriage, but the first called when a man wants to sew some more oats.

My questions then are…how is this woman looked down upon for a relationship when she expresses herself the same way a man does? Why is it ok to have one or two partners but not many? How does the good girl receive more attention when it comes to marriage over the slut or nowadays virgin? What does morality have to do with decision making when it comes to relationships, marriage or simply hooking up, if ones morals represent what they feel are right? This is regardless of the choices they’ve made to sleep with 100 people, one person or no one.

Now I understand morality is defined by as “virtue in sexual matters; chastity” even “moral quality or character” but then it returns to my belief that one’s morals are what HE/SHE feels is right for them! Chasity -to me- can represent simply waiting for the right guy—- not necessarily marriage. I myself fell into this definition of chasity as I lost what I considered “virginity” at 18 years old.

@OwlsAsylum gladly agreed that morals represent the individual. However, he begged to differ from me saying that men are more attracted to a virgin, solely because they are not exposed to being intimate with other men, over men wanting the experienced woman. I understand the desire to be with a virgin, but I find within the males I’ve been exposed to that having a more experienced woman is well …more exciting within the bedroom & relationship overall. This becomes a bit of a challenge for them (men) to take on new and more interesting sexual intercourse- compared to a woman, being a virgin, who may be unsure of herself (at first) sexually.

Then he stated that (paraphrased) “There are a lot of situations right now where women are trying to set up more buddy like relationships than marriage…” This again goes back to ones morals. If a woman chooses to have sex with a man over dating/marrying him it becomes her choice. When and if she becomes ready to marry she will make that decision on her own. I find that many of the examples of a good long lasting “til death do we part” marriages are becoming slim to none as our elders are passing.

What IS accepted is the promiscuous individual. This means more and more young women having sex “before marriage” exposing them to the experiences that come from being sexually active. This in turn may affect them emotionally – not wanting to trust / be committed to a man OR sexually- finding love represents having sex with a man. Either way- she is still more likely to find a mate (whether he’s good or bad) over the young woman who waited and kept her virginity because WOMEN LIKE SEX JUST AS MUCH AS MEN!

So, men are going to seek that sexual diva regardless of her past to have what he wants…GOOD SEX! His morals state- if he can trust her, love her, make her his queen….then why not take her as his own? Thus leading to this man being conscious of what he is getting himself into, knowing what both their actions can lead to, yet making the adult decision to take her hand for LOVE’s sake. It’s about what one can bring to a relationship, not the looseness of her walls. {{{Side Note: They have toys to tighten walls as well as surgery….but that’s another blog.}}}

What it comes down to be is one’s morals will determine if they desire to be with a virgin or a woman who has seen a few “cocks” in her life. I, for example, believed strongly in the singlehood of being a free spirited woman and enjoyed the pleasures of the men I encountered, until I desired a more permanent relationship. I began searching myself for the things I wanted to change to become a more committed woman, though I still was very experienced in life & sex. When I met my current fiancé he was unconcerned of the encounters that came before him because he desired my heart- the sexual experience was simply an additive.

In the end, @OwlsAsylum brought my mind into the heated pot of his beliefs. I respect him for standing by his thoughts/words. I think it is beautiful that the virgin is still desired, but for those women like myself who are experienced – be it the “slut” or the “good girl”- there are still men out there who desire them too! Enjoy sex….safely and stand by your morals regardless if it is immoral in another’s eyes when it comes to sex & love…there are endless possibilities.

Written by Leandrea “Luvleeh Poetiklocks” Hill