Today was slightly uneventful for the blogger known as Owl. With the exception of two occurrences that I feel the need to discuss. One is pretty rudimentary, and probably most reading this will not be able to relate. But I am really drawing nigh on the acceptance of walking around with two holes in my arms leaking blood. Now, I use to donate plasma twice a week, and I donated blood whenever I was allowed to. I am no stranger to needles leaving holes in my arms. However, this is the second day this one particular nurse has not been able to get a stream flowing from my left arm, and had to readjust the needle in my arm, only to say, “Oh, well, let me check the other arm…” Granted mistakes happen. But I expect mistakes like that from military nurses of the E-1, possibly E-2 pay grade. Not a practitioner who is one step below a doctor in her career currently.
My other concern occurred later in the night. The other
lab rats volunteers wanted to do the communal thing. The suggestion was a video. Of course, movie night in the vaccination lab. I overheard the title “Reservoir Dogs”, and I immediately asked them through my room’s open sliding door were they going to watch that. The dietitian, who is actually a music teacher, responded that they could. Now, “Reservoir Dogs” is one of Quentin Tarantino’s earlier pieces of a diamond heist gone wrong. The piece is actually a classic. Unfortunately, Tarantino has a penchant for forgetting he doesn’t have a Black Pass with everyone.
So, as I went out to view portions of the film, I embarked on the three scene combo in the movie where Tarantino decides to write that “niggers always kill each other”, “Jungle Bunnies can kill anyone and get a terrific parole officer,” and “niggers talk about raping men.” Of course, those are just my interpretations as a Black man. I understand the going argument that if you don’t behave as such it shouldn’t be offensive, but the term is not in reference to just a behavior, it is in reference to a group of people who have been stereotyped as acting as such. Ultimately, I’ve already seen the movie, I just conveniently blocked out those parts from my memory, because I do like the movie. But when in a room with three Caucasians, and a brother from Kenya, you feel it.
I’ve really had a difficult inner war with the word “nigger” and all of its cool(quote-unquote) derivatives. I understand the word as a term of endearment. I’ve felt the camaraderie and what we call “the love” from American Black brothers and sisters who have used the term in reference to me. I also understand the implication that poses when white people who might be sympathetic, or really just culturally can’t identify with any other group but American Blacks. I understand that American Blacks are an interesting group of people, and that many are curious about our ways to the degree of trying to fit in among us. I understand that many whites want to discuss the cultural significance of such things, and even be candid about their feeling towards blacks. I get that. But I feel uncomfortable when white people use the term “nigger” in any manner.
I have for the last year been considering dropping the term from my own vernacular. The night’s events definitely give me a reason to do as such. I am not to the point of many of my Moorish friends who will hit anybody, black or pink, for using the term. I’m not offended when blacks use it, but there are certain situations when it becomes embarrassing to hear it said. I know that reading those words might seem contradictory, and I’d simply write, welcome to the world of the “nigger”. All jokes aside, I don’t necessarily need to have a moratorium for the word, but I feel for my type of sensibilities, it would be better if I didn’t use it, and if I asked other blacks not to use it in my presence.
Other than that, my vitals are fine. Seems that my blood pressure is fluctuating, but at it is coming down. I am still not showing any symptoms from either of the bacteria strands, and I am not feeling any way ill. I’m still drinking plenty of water, and exercising more. So far so good…