As of late, I’ve been receiving a few queries about relationships and what I refer to as the “waiting game.” Now, the waiting game is the intentional withholding of sex during a courting situation. Granted, there are women that are actually celibate. But there is a difference between being available for sex, wanting sex, but not having sex with a particular person that is definitely a potential sex partner, but not doing it. Most people reading this know my stance on celibacy. In Asylum, celibacy is more like a religious ritual. I understand the denotation of the word, yet for the intents and purposes here, I don’t consider you celibate if you are open to casual sex, but aren’t getting any. One can’t consider them Self a vegan just because they haven’t had the opportunity to eat animal products. Not exactly a form of restraint there, right?
Now, the question that was raised was how long should a woman wait before having sex with a potential lover. Of course, my analytical mind jumped in front of the rest of mental faculties. Questions like, “is this purely casual sex?”, “how long have we known this person?”, “where did you meet?” and the like raced out of my mouth. After a few of the details were elicited, I stopped. I thought a bit.
Health issues are a big consideration here, correct. All tools being ready to pass a thorough inspection, I don’t really know of a clear cut, across the board answer. From the men that I’ve met in my life, emphasis on ‘my,’ there is no data that suggest there is a proper waiting period. For the most part, this ritual seems to stem from the patriarchal position that all women are crafted out of some anti-pleasure dust. As if the average man that is actually able to attract women doesn’t realize that women like to have sex. Any waiting game is simply that, a game. Not ‘game’ as in spades, but ‘game’ as in game theory. It is a stratagem.
And it gets really immature when we start a deeper analysis. The immaturity, sure, isn’t on the women, however. It really is on the manner in which the society crafts gender roles and this box we attempt to put the sexual feminine in.
Simply put…there is not an actual time limit were a man’s relationship/good woman meter goes off. In fact, you could be the neighborhood ratchet and make a guy wait ten months, and after he has sex with you, well, you’re still the neighborhood ratchet. For some strange reason, many women don’t consider the reality that a man can see you beyond the bedroom. Jay-Z could have fucked Bey in the first hour;not going to change the fact that it is Beyonce. A man about the chase and the pursuit is only going to continue his hunt after his satiation wears off. And some men are snakes, one huge meal per month will do them justice. Some men are western imperialist, the world isn’t going to ever be enough.
So, I told her,”know what you want.” That simple. Of course, ever since Guru died, so has the value of the term, ‘guru.’ This causes every one to expect this robust litany of thoughtless information to erupt out everyone’s mouth. And I don’t want to bash Steve Harvey to crack crumbs; he didn’t label him Self ‘guru,’ he only wrote a book. But, it has impacted people to the point of actually believing the bullshit typed in said book. So, when she started discussing men not having respect for women who are easy, I stopped her.
Ladies, “easy” isn’t even ‘easy’; just ‘easier,’ and even that gets messy. And as stated, the most sex craved men know how to respect the respectable, typically. Men deal with women that are “dick teasers.” Can I write that without feeling crass or embarrassing you? (We are still in Asylum) Men deal with “gold diggers.” Can I remind the world of that bit of reality? Men are not all sex junkies. Some men actually prefer to wait and get labeled pejoratively. At the end of the day, I can only advise people to get what they want. Assert your Self. If you have to ask how long, you’ve probably got way more important priorities to think about than sex anyway, but still, until the grown ups grow up, right?
Know what you want. If the strategy of waiting seems to get you what you want, you’re a tease…no, kidding, somewhat. But remember, with all strategies and tactics comes actuality. And in actuality, not all men respond well to obvious strategy. We’ve all probably seen, met, or know the type of woman that has two guys in rotation while dating other men for perks. No guy wants to be that guy. After awhile, it becomes stale. With every game theory, there is a counter strategy, so be careful with the waiting thing.